Archive for June, 2009|Monthly archive page

Stupic comercials

Possibly one of my favourite topics to rant about is stupid fucking adverts that appear durring the middle of intense and INTERESTING programs on channels such as Dave and Sky1.
Every one knows the particular adverts I am talking about, providing you don’t have a dead squirel’s brain, they last for roughly 30 seconds tops but by the end of that brief period of time you are preparing your suicide note, ready to pop you clogs like an absolute mouthbreather.
Ok let’s not be brief here; let me set the scene… It starts like this (by the way this not some kidy fiddling, story telling agency, who has it’s name on the sex offenders register) you are watching a Top Gear repeat on Channel Dave for the 21st time and you are getting to the point where there has not been a comercial breakin 15 minutes… It is iminant… Unfortunately.
Suddenly FAIL, of the most epic variety!! You no longer see Jeremy Clarkson shoving a rench up ever orophis in James May’s body whilst Richard Hamond sit in the corner choking the chicken. Instead you find that your ear drums have shattered into tiny metaphoric fragments to the piercing sound of BARRY SCOTT. Yes here it comes, the time old rant about he must insist in giving you an earache that feels like you have just been penitrated by a horse… Beastialty style ( (conicidently never search that in google unless you have a bucket to the side of you!) sick shizem). If I wanted my eardrums bursting then I would jump in a fucking bush.
Just shut the fuck up you loud mouthed twat, if I want a spray that could clean my arse without using crap role, then I would just get your mum to give a lick!


Text language bruv!

Wuu2? Wbu? Brb, yh, ily, lmao and FUCKING LOL !!!! Yes I am obviously talking about short hand text. Above were all examples of what you might say if your were in a rush when on IM or texting with a letter count limit, but some people confuse these fucking situations with real life speach during human to human conversation.
I’m sure that if someone walked up to you in public and said W U U 2 (just letters and numbers) then you obviously say to yourself and those directly around you, “What the fuck is wrong with this retarded hobo who has just aproached me and started talking in single silabolic, clunge muscle terms?” “Bitch get out of my face and my personal space, please go and moan like this on facebook, where nobody really gives a toss about what you have to say, involving what you did in the last five minutes since licking your mums pussy!” (Believe it or not this actually what a person like me would say)
When the English dictionary was published, stating how words and phrases should be spelt and punctuated, believe it or fucking not…… THEY FUCKING MENT IT! So please don’t waste some poor fucker at COLLIN’s (dictionary publisher) time, speek the queen’s language… Who knows, it might do a thing or two for your patriotism! Fuck nuts!
One other thing that you should also refrain from doing, seems as I am in a hypocritical mood, is to stop sending people random, open ended, silly little fucking text messages.
Hey wuu2.
\\\correspondance\\\ “What the fuck?! If I wanted you to know what I was doing then I would ring you the fuck up and say ‘hey bitch! I’m on the throne, but I’m actually BEATING ONE OUT!!’ You happy now you lonely twat? Yes?… Well fuck off.”

Example 2:
Hey how are you?
\\\corespondance\\\ I’m dead, what the fuck do you think?? If I constantly wanted you to know how I am then I’m sure that I would of set up a fucking wardens cord by now, that I could pull ever five minutes to make you aware that I am feeling just as good in health as I was thirty fucking seconds ago. Are you questioning my integraty and ability to monitor my own physical and mental health? No?… Well once again… Fuck the hell off!!

These examples could go on for as long as there is a hole in my ass! So I think I will end there. These sort of kunt strummers need speech theropy, but if you ask me I just think that they are socialy disturbed mother fuckers and just need slamming in a sex offenders pen!!

Nob heads who talk about cars

I’m beginning to get slightly anoyed to some extent by clunge monkeys who sit around me and talk about their fucking scoobys!! For one, they can’t even drive yet? Two they are probably to dumb to realize that they do not have the mental stability to remain calm at the wheele without getting an errection off the fucking engine noises. They probably get an errect penis just from being a passenger, some times even if they just hear or see a loud pile of boy racing shit.
So when they are sat in my classes at school, in an indoors environment where suprise, suprise there are no cars to be seen, heard or to get a stonker off, they feel it appropiate to disrupt my learning by forfilling there need to be boned up; they make cars noises like the small prepubesant boys in primary school.
Another thing that I have picked up from their fucked up mentality is that they have no fear of munching up their (unowned) ‘highly modified’ pieces of japanese shit round a lampost after reving the tiny naggers off it round sharp urban bend infront of all their ‘homies and bitches’ just to get a bit of scanky ass on their shriveled up chodes! Obsesive Compulsive Dick Fucking Disorder, OCDFD; this is what you have unfortunately obtained if you have all of the above symptoms… Epic fail. Now go and slam your mum or go and hang yourself with a 6″ thick rope!! Go and burn in hell with your 20″ rims!

Random topics Pt1

Those with a high enough IQ to know what day it is, might also acknowledge that this particular gripe will emerge in several different sections, this being part the first.
One eyed trolls: this is a nick name which I have generously dedicated to girls who cake themselves in excessive amounts of orange make up. Yes SLAGS!! These clapped up kiddy fuckers have fucked X’ number of people mutiple times causing their clunge to hang low like all the shit on the Matalan shelves. If they fuck this hard for any further length of time they will be tripping over themselves! Is it that hard to just plug yourself or take on a bit of DIY? Also don’t go walsing around the place with your floppy, fat tits half hanging out, so we all have so notice you… scanky Kunts or what?!

At this this point I would like to make some kind of laughable link to another subject but I’m really not that fucked with this particular post… Which cleverly links me into my topic of Lazy Twats ((like what I did there?) yes it was shit I know!). Yes lazy kunt strumers enjoy watching those around them suffer in sacrolidge whilst they sit there on their fat arses, beating one out. If I had my way then these chodes would be the answer to our ever growing energy crisis; no not burning them (although would also be effective) but instead making them work before death… I like to call it energy slavery. Make the culprits go to a wind farm on a windless day (excuse the term) climb into a humanly modified hamster wheel, and run their fucking nadgers off!

Bitchs who copy my shit

Bitchs who like to copy my shit really get on my non existant tits! They pussy around, like over licked fanny dweling clunge monkeys, singing ” do your tits hang low, do they woble to and throw,” Fucking dick plashes who get refused a blow job from the village bycicle (who conisidently have every fucking STI under the epic sun).

I find that these bitchs enjoy trying to fit in with the crowd by keeping up with the latest thing, even it means copying others peoples ideas, fuck wits.

Some ask permision before rapping the chode* however some muff faces just take liberties. In doing so they really get, once again, on my non existant tits!! I believe that these lube tubes tend to bite off more than they can chew; this is a lot, considering they are nosebreathers who constantly give deep throat to an unsheathed donkey!

Yes they are definately bitch boys, and must be avoided at all costs!! My mates also hate these rent boys!!

*= generalized example

Women in clothes shops

Annoyance and participation in shear contemplation of suicide. These are the two main thoughts that run through the male head when he has been dragged around a series of female clothes shops. Your integrity in scatter fragments all of the fucking shop floor.

This entire piss take can drag on for as long as 3-4 hours! Absolute clunge gobbler! Its all starts when the female decides that you would benefit from going shopping with her; she manages to successfully convince you 9/10 times, 1/10 being where her bribing and black mail does not suffice. She always gives you the first choice of shop to visit, for me and most males it would either be currys, comet, game etc. Then and only then does she flip the entire scenario upon herself by say, ‘oh can we just have a look in there.’ </note: she makes this statement just as you find yourself in a spending mood!>

Hence you enter the shop, she decides to venture towards the clothes that you would not she a fucking tramp in a pissing septic tank, wearing. You shake your head in dismay as she spends the next 30 minutes of your valuable blogging time, giving a full inspection and examination.

This really pisses me and many blokes off therefore i demand!! less female shops and more white zipped body bags with a York locks.

</end of gripe>

Schools and random women who walk round the places…

“School is possibly one of the safest environments where a child can develop.” This is what everyone would LIKE to think their school was actually like, however as you might of guessed… I think it is utter testicles!

These piss whole that seem to smell like a dead camel rumonating on asparagas, are nothing but a shambles. More to the point though its seems to me, through personal experience, to be the fault of those women with the constituencies (those who knows might be getting an inker as to where and who I am aiming this sheer build up of haitred at). The female teachers within my particular school will never back down on the pathetic argument of TUCKING YOUR FUCKING SHIRT IN! This clearly stresses me and most definately causes some to rebel against the idea, by simply walking around the school dressed like a tramp who just crawled out from under their nans arse hole in the london under ground; but still they are out of the question, as they are noobs and frankly they can go and get stoned in hell for all i am concerned!

Anyway, back to my main topic in hand, female teachers seem to hold a much lower understanding of self awarness, lack the ability to read a situation and conclude in a corect manor. Possibly a reason for this is because the word female begins with F and F stands for FAIL!

To conclude this session of female expulsion, I would like to leave you with these final words: Don’t STOP Don’t LOOK Don’t LISTEN and most of all… DON’T TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN!!! =] Keep posted.

What might possibly be ment by ‘gripe’

This page has been dedicated by myself to all those acceptable human beings who enjoy participating the know ‘sport’ of MOANING. It could be said that, no one likes a moaner.. buts is that not just moaning in its self? … dumb asses (moaning).

As you might already be able to realize, if you have and IQ of 12 or more, this blogging spot has been devoted to a teenager moaning and about random shit that happens throughout the course of adolescence.

So please continue to supposedly ‘waste‘ your time, in reading my future blogs, or as some might say… watch this space! :]